Doesn't anybody love me? No? are you sure? Somebody must! PLEASE, love me!!!

wow, college. scary. (but yay for cable connections!!!!)

ow. (love hurts)

agh! this are weird. . . . i've been feeling weird lately. i'm leaving in two weeks and 3 days . . . weird . . .

I tried to post soemthing the other day (not like it really matters, cuz who reads this thing anymore anyways?) but it went kablooey. So, here's the gist of what i said: I just gotback from Falcon Ridge, and would go back in the blink of an eye. (on this note, I have refused to cut off my wristband, b/c it would simply be admitting I'm home. if it's still on, I can put in one of my new cds, and close my eyes, and pretend i'm on the hill.) I'm having my wisdom teeth out today, and I think out of everything I'm most nervous about my IV, b/c the last time I had one (when I was in the hospital in september) they blew my vein, which really hurt, and I had a huge bruise on my hand. anyway, that's it. ttfn!

blog? what's this? I have a blog? ohh, yes. I seem to have forgotten in the past two weeks. oh well, I;m sure nobody reads it anyway! nothing is going on in my life. orientation on mon. and tues, FALCON RIDGE in 12 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mosquito bites are evil, but camp songs are fun! ::singing and clapping::
Flea
Flea Fly
Flea Fly Mosquito
Calamine, Calamine, Calamine Lotion
Oh, no, not the Calamine Lotion
Itchy, Itchy, Scratchy, Scratchy, got one on my backy backy. ooh-y, ooh-y owie owie wish it'd go away!
Quick! get the bug spray, think it went that-a way!
SHHHHHHHH

Wow . . . it has been a LONG ASS week. Saturday was graduation . . . then camp early sunday morning. camp was fun, but not nearly as amazing as last year. I was sad to leave, but happy to be home. and now i am EXHAUSTED. I can't believe I am even still awake right now . . .

::sigh:: people are dumb, and I hate them. . . . on a happy note, I got my camp stuff today, and I'm not in the same cabin as last year, *pout* but hopefully I'll still be with my friends. anyway, it will be a good time. I also bought new books today, yay books! (i wonder when the day will come where you can d/l entire books, like mp3s.)

In a week I'll be at camp! I'm very very excited! I can't wait. graduation is 6 days away, not too sure how I feel about that, happy and sad. every time I see some graduation type thingy on tv though I start bawling, and then am forced to change the channel. But camp makes me feel happy. And Falcon Ridge is just over a month away. Lots of fun stuff to look forward to this summer. Oh yeah! I'm getting a guitar this week! yay! (i don't know how to play, but I'm gonna learn!)

you know what i've decided? Sex can be your best friend or your worst enemy. When you're having it, and it's good, you are the luckiest son of a bitch alive. but when you're not getting any, my god you wish you didn't know what you were missing!

omg- I'm done. my highschool career is officially over. no more classes, no more finals, a week, then graduation, and I'm done. wow . . .

I feel old. I bought a dirtdevil today, and it was exciting. this scares me.

Aha! I have come to a realization. I have not constantly been in a relationship most of my life b/c I have a "need to be needed" complex (ok, maybe I do) but because being single SUCKS! yup, that's it. the single life is not for me.

OK, now I have learned something about myself. (well, actually I already knew this, but I am having a rude awakening) I don't take well to change. I like things the way they are. I don't want them to change. (ok, maybe a little bit) ::whining:: i don't want to graduate. I am going to miss all my friends. Things will never be the same. No longer will I have a class of 13 people, that I have known and grown up with for the past 13 years. My graduating class will be 4,000 not 147. :( is it bad form to cry when accepting one's diploma? there are only two weeks left of my entire high school career. ::shudder:: scary . . .

::giggle:: I've decided I'm a Bohemian! YAY!

look, it's me AGAIN!

You are the lego woman! You are a rare find indeed! You are sassy, brilliant, and not to mention lookin' good! You are none other than the sexy lego woman! We can find you strolling the lego town shopping for all the latest lego fashions and then coming home to a low fat dinner and a bubble bath.

Take the "What Lego character are you?" test! by ctbx

hehe, fits me to a T.
which Episode II character are you?



Queen of Naboo. You could have a split personality - simply to hide who you really are. You are extremely polite and gentle. However, if needs be, you will take action and can be a very good leader. You have the power to make people believe in you - use this power. The one you love could also end up being the one you hate.

Am I the world's biggest loser? I think I am. Here I am, sitting at home, posting on my BLOG on a friday night. I'm single now, I'm not ready for a new relationship, but I'm certainly ready to have some fun now! But no, here I am, a big loser. :( and the double date for tomorrow? not looking so great. A friend of mine is going out with this guy, but he thinks it's too much of short notice for him to be able to find someone for me. :( and then we thought of someone who could go, a friend's older brother, and it seemed perfect. We have a lot in common, and I know him. he's a nice fellow. But no! he's perfectly willing to come, but he's going to a party tomorrow. And you know what? the more I thought about it, the more fun it would be to go out with him. I feel like such a dork. nobody wants me anymore, except gross people at school. *sob* am I that undesireable??

My mommy is out of town for the weekend, and I might be going on a double date tomorrow with a friend! yippee!

WEE!

href="http://www.wiredreflection.com/tests/magic.html"
target="new">
border=0 frameborder=0 alt="You are a Bard!">


Take the href="http://www.wiredreflection.com/tests/magic.html" target="new"> "How Do You Use Magic?" test! Written by Brimo

Went to the doctor's yesterday. If you know me really well, you're next question should be which one, lol. This one was the diabetes dr. (that's pronounced die-uh-bee-tees, not die-uh-bee-tus, thankyouverymuch.) THings not going to well, specifically because of my doing. But now I'm on a new plan. (i'm taking lantus now, although that probably means nothing to you). Good news though, since February I've lost 15 pounds, YAY. OK, I think that's it for now . . . btw, I'm charlie brown. (don't feel like posting the link, sorry)

Ok, so am I doomed to be haunted by him forever? Ex-boyfriend means not anymore. It means I shouldn't have to deal with him or think about him. Well, that's fine and dandy, except when I have these stupid back together dreams. I hate them! I'm always so happy in them when we're together, and then I wake up and feel horribly depressed. I wish they would stop. I don't need that. . . . On a happier note, the weather has been sooooo gorgeous lately! It's finally feeling like summer! So after that horribly wonderful josh dream, I had a yummylicious Falcon Ridge dream! Yay! I dreamt it was the day before FR and we had just arrived, and were setting up the tents and stuff, it was great. ANd there were lots of friendly people making music. it was happy happy. :) So I think in that summer spirit I'm gonna go lay out in the sun because I CAN! wee!

Got lots of new undies today! I went shopping, and got 5 bras and 10 pairs of undies. yay. and I even splurged! (with my gramma's money, lol) I got two sexy bras (see through lacey ones, not like the usual kind I get). I got one pair of sexy undies, but damn, that stuff is expensive!! oh well, I'm all decked out now! (of course, I don't happen to be wearing any of that now, but whatever)

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What is it with men and cars? My step-father is anal about me checking the various fluids in my car. Is it really that important that I check the oil every two weeks? Oh well. I'll do it. (maybe)

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I got a new book today too. A Clockwork Orange not too sure what it's about, but I'm sure it will be right up my alley. It's Josh's fave book, so I'll have a good time reading it. that's all ttfn!

ugh, I know I said this before, but being sick is really no fun at all. I'm not barfing anymore (let's thank god (or whoever's out there) for the simple things). Now I simply feel completely drained of any and all energy. I spent most of the day reading in bed. I finished the Ya-Ya Sisterhood book. It was not as good as I remembered it being, but I'm guessing that's because of my extreme literary knowledge that I have now. (haha, ok, maybe not. I've just read some real books, instead of all that Danielle Steel crap (which I completely good to read if you want to think about nothing) that I used to read.) Anyway, the book was still good, made me think lots about how much I luvvvv my mommy. aww. :)

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Let me tell you, guys are so dumb. I'm sorry. Maybe not all of them, but the ones that I've been in contact with lately . . . sheesh. Enough to make a girl go lesbian, except I don't think I could put up with the girls either! That's it, self-love only from now on. :)

try this! it takes a little while to load, but it's pretty accurate. These were my results. (They're long, so if you don't read them, I'll understand)

You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

The present situation, not of your making, is forcing you to compromise. You will have to hold back and forgo some of your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.

Resentment and stress, due to your present circumstances and/or your unfulfilled emotional needs, have produced considerable anxieties. You would like to get away from it all to somewhere that could be the personification of sympathy and understanding. That 'somewhere' could be close by: relax and let go - take a deep breath and look around - the situation may not be as bad as it seems.

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Being sick really sucks a lot. I was sooo sick yesterday. I had some 24-hour flu. ugh, it was horrible. Feeling much better today though. :) Ok, that's it for now. :)

OK, so boys are dumb, and I've decided that I just don't care anymore. You know, I don't need them, I will keep myself entertained. I don't care that every single one of my friends now has a boyfriend. I do not need one. (rather, don't want one at this point in time) These past two days it has been SOOOOO nice outside. Yesterday I babysat, and took Sophie (my charge, lol, who is about 5 1/2 months old) for a nice walk in her stroller. I was beautiful. And today was even nicer, Syd (a friend) and I went putt-putting (she beat me :( ) And then it was just so beautiful that I threw my bathing suit top on, and went outside in my shorts to soak up some sun. it was soooo relaxing.

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Exboyfriends ruin everything. I'm never dating again. no contact with the opposite sex, that's it. I can't go anywhere without seeing him, or hearing about him. he's better friends with my friends than I am. GAH!!!!! I HATE HIM!

BOYS!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEE! ok, that's all for now. you'll get an update if there's anything to update. (hehehe, I'm sweet and innocent, right? . . . why are you giving me that look? you know I'm innocent . . . muahahaha)

Do you have any idea how hard it is to force yourself to school when the only class you have is band? Alas, I did not make it to school AGAIN. ALthough, I will have to start attending on these days, otherwise my band grade will suffer. My mom and i had a nice chat last night, and we were talking till like 1:00. I have to work on this stupid PIG (aka Participation in Government) project that's due next week. :( I keep putting it off, and it's a big yucky paper. I'll probably end up doing it all on memorial day or something. poop on procrastination! I did go out to breakfast/lunch (but not brunch) with my parents today. That was nice. And you know those veggie burgers that burger king now supports, those are QUITE tasty, let me tell you. mmmm

Ahh, last night I saw the movie Eyes Wide Shut, on HBO (one of them, anyway, we have 10 or something like that). My GOD, was that a strange film! I have seen some weird movies in my time, but this one takes the cake. Now, I really liked it, but it was not the graphic porn that some people made it out to be. Still, I finished watching with my mouth open and eyes in a very confused state . . . it certainly wasn't any worse than that mexican movie I saw a few weeks ago, y tu mama tambien . . .

ok, so now something is weird with the formatting . . . do the problems never cease? sheesh! I didn't even touch the template, except to fix the comments. oh well, just something more for me to work on. :)

WHEEEE! I finally fixed the comment link! It's all fixed! So comment away!!! :) I know you want to! go ahead . . . :)

Ok, this is from a couple of days ago, and I tried to post it, and It wouldn;t work. So, if it's already on here (twice) then once again, I am sorry. :)

OK, so I have come up with a new philosophy. (BTW- it has been two months since josh broke up with me, and I am graduating in 6 weeks. Oh yeah, and I made my schedule for next year and I'm taking intro to philosophy and latin! woo! more on that to come.) So, my new philosophy: If I don't think about sex, hear about it, talk about it, hear others talking about it, or see it on tv or at the movies, then I will make it until college. If not, I will die. Now, several people have said this is impossible, but I am unfortunately finding it more possible than someone to actually do it with. So I must never think of sex again! (hahaha)

A WHITE Dragon Lies Beneath!

I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a White Dragon on the inside. If there ever was an apparition of balance, power and reclusive intelligence, my Inner Dragon is it. Whites are a fairly common dragon and are considered one of two harmonious dragons. My antithesis is the evil Black Dragon.



My Inner Dragon likes to think things out, plot against enemies, and look down upon the world from the highest mountain peaks. My favorable attributes are the Day, the Sun, truth, a positive attitude, and helpful magic. Humans only need fear me when they stray into my domain without proper tribute. Of course, that tribute would probably be a cake the size of a Volkswagen, but hey, if they wanted to move through my turf they should have brought it, right? If someone ever really wanted a fight I'd be an impressive opponent, considering I pack a breath weapon combination of Fire and Lightning. Even the nicest dragons can do some serious damage.

success!!!! I have finished the color of the links. Now, I know it may be a little hard to read under the archived section, but I think it's the best I'm going to get, considering I have light, dark, and medium backgrounds that the text goes onto. :) Next step? Get the date and "welcome to" sections a new color. :) and I am *so* crossing my fingers that the commenting will be back up soon!

ok, all the colors are done now, but the links need to be fixed. I know they're hard to read in some places right now, but just deal. k? :)

Hmm, I am in some serious need. The feeling of being single for two months is really starting to hit. grr. college is only 3 months away, can I really go 5 months? probably, it's bound to happen some time in my life, right? grrr.

WEEEE!!!!! I had a very . . . interesting time tonight. :) ANd I will enlighten you all. :) Me, Lisa, Katie, Chrissy, and Syd all had a girls' night out tonight, and it was very fun. First we went to Primitive Impressions (local piercing place) because katie wants to get her clit pierced. We talked to Jason the extremely cool owner/peircer there, and got all enlightened about the genital piercings. It sounded kinda cool . . . I'll hafta look into it. SO then we went to Java Joe's, coffee place, and played pool for an hour. THEN we saw this really really awesome movie called Y tu mama tambien at the little . It was extremely hot and sexy which of course, I loved. So then everything is fine, and we're driving home, and with 4 other people in the car, and it being midnight, I wasn;t exactly paying a whole hell of a lot of attention. I was in the middle of running a red light (no other cars in SIGHT) and katie screams at the top of her lungs STOP . So I slam on my breaks, and manage to stop practically in the middle of the intersection. And then the light turns green, and I start going, but my car won't accelerate. (now, I was having problems with the fuel pump before which made me not accelerate, but that was fixed) ANd I'm thinking, what the hell is going on? So I get to the next light, maybe 1/2 a mile down, and I go to step on my brake, and OH! It's already all the way down! So I'm like what the hell now? SO I pull over on a side road, and try and figure out what's wrong. Basically, I have no clue, so I called my parents who happen to my 3 hours out of town for the weekend. They didn't know what was wrong, and told me to call my uncle, who works with cars and lives near where I was. SO I call him, and end up going over there. Now, being the dumbass that I am, what happened was that the cover to my fuse box which is right in that area below my steering wheel came partially detached, and was hanging down. When I slammed on my brakes, they got stuck behind the fuse box cover. So my uncle fixed it and I took all my friends home, and that was the end of my oh-so-fun-and-exciting night! yay

Ok, so you can actually read my blogs now. this is good. it's still not exactly how I want, but again, you can READ it. :) and I don't know what's going on with the commenting . . . so I guess I will have to live in fear that you don't still love me a little while longer . . .

ugh! sorry about the varieties of color. makes things interesting!!! hopefully comments will be back up soon!

You are Country! Hopelessly smitten with a bunch of no-good two-timing bastards, you are Country music. You are a sweet and honest person most of the time... too bad those close to you aren't. Your main theme is angst, broken hearts, and general mistreatment by those you love. whether they are truly bastards or you do something to provoke this is not clear, but one thing's certain: you are tired of having your feelings toyed with.

Take the what music genre are you quiz by PsychosisX!

ok, so maybe I'm not so excited about the country part (don't get me wrong, I listen to my share of country) but this is indeed me to a T. :) And again,I'd like to apologise for the color and lack of comments, but I haven't had time to fix stuff!

OK, so things look a little funny right now. sorry about that. I'm editing some stuff. I don't have time to finish right now, but hopefully it'll be done soon!

AHHHHHHH why did I try and switch templates? never never never do that again unless you're fluent in html! problems problems problems!

Got a new template from a blog skins site (can find the link at the here

Could life get any worse? grr, I am so miserable right now. I was having a perfectly fine day until 4th period (gym). We were playing speedball. Now, if you don't know what this is, i'll educate you. It's soccer combined with handball. If the ball is on the ground, you kick it, and try and make a goal. If it's in the air you throw it and try and make a basket or throw it into the goal. The only way to get it into the air is to kick it there. NOw, maybe that doesn't sound so bad to you. Well, let me tell you what happened to me last year. Playing speedball. I turn around, and the ball is behind me. The girl kicks the ball, right at my FACE. (complete accident) Anyway, she was really close to me, and it hit me right in the eye. It literally knocked me over. Then I had to go to the eye dr's and get special drops b/c my eye swelled too big for its socket! Ok, so that would be enough to traumatize someone, right? But no, the very next gym class, I'm scared out of my mind, playing this damn sport, and what happens? I get hit in the fucking head!So since then, I refuse to play speedball. The gym teacher convinces me to play today. So, I'm out on the floor doing my best to stay away from the ball, and I'm dying. Seriously, I had like a mini-panic attack. My heart was gonna jump out of my chest! So I told my teacher I was NOT playing any more, and she let me change. Of course, I have to make the class up, and I will (probably). Just no more speedball for nichole. And on top of that, as if that wasn't enough to make me miserable, there is something really wrong with my car. Yesterday it was fine, and now there is something big time wrong. It would take too long to explain, and i'm being lazy, but let's just say it's not good. :( :( :( :( i need someone to love me. :(

Samantha from Sex and the City is my hero: "What is it with the weekends now? I swear to God every guy I've fucked since Memorial Day wants to know what I'm doing this weekend. They just don't get it. My weekends are for meeting new guys so I don't have to keep fucking the old ones." ANd now I'm bored, so I'm gonna quote some S&C quotables. :) don't you love me?

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"As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'" Carrie

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"Who cares what you are - just enjoy it!" Samantha

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"Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power." -- Samantha

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Samantha Jones: I'm a "trisexual." I'll try anything once.

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K, that's all. time for tv now. :)

AGAIN I am apologizing for the lack of commenting . . . it'd annoying me too. It's supposed to be up soon, and the place that I'm using is really easy, and I would prefer to not have to find another commenting service, as I've already stated . . . sorry!

The evil of the world is not money or technology, i've decided. it's contruction!! all those stupid people trying to make things better in the long run make it impossible for me to get in and out of my own driveway! and then I have to rely on the kindness of strangers driving to let me in or out. grrr. (although so far people have been quite nice about that.)

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Don't know if you wanna read this or not, a friend of mine did and liked it, so I'll let you read it too. It's a short story type thingy I wrote for my english class. (it's a ROUGH draft, keep in mind)

Desire

“Desires are bound by the laws of success and failure. Desires must bring misery.”
Swami Vivekananda

I.
A flash of leg, touch of hand, a glance at something beautiful. This is what you want, what you need. How do you know this? You know this because they told you, and I am telling you too. They told you what is beautiful. “Beauty is a skeleton covered in shiny plastic,” they said. And you believed. You want this skeleton. Alone in the dark, I want it too. You and I, we are the same, really. You are beautiful, and I want to be surrounded in beauty. I am ugly; you like that: it illuminates your glowing plastic flesh. I was beautiful once, when beauty was on the inside. I was loved then. But now beauty is ugly. And I, once so beautiful am ugly . . .

and alone . . .

and . . .

miserable.


II.
Beauty is power, and ugliness is weakness. Success it power, but power is also success. They told you about beauty, then they told you about power. The defined it for you. You believe them again, I know you believe them. “That image of a man rolling around in money, that’s power,” they said. But they didn’t tell you about his bleeding wounds. Paper cuts. Money hurts. The big suit, fancy car, million-dollar house, million-dollar family. This is success. They call it a nuclear family, the way to be. Is that like nuclear bombs? Equally as powerful, equally as destructive. But times change, you know. I bet you remember what it was like to be young, what they said success was then. It was not the almighty dollar, it was the almighty name. A, A, A, all the labels started with A. “Buy our product, you’ll get an A, you’ll be number one.” This musician, that actress, if everybody knows my name then I’ll be happy. They lied. People will forget you and remember your name. You’ll be all alone, whimpering, wondering how you can have everything and be so miserable.



III.
They tell you everything, but this you know: acceptance. You think a skeleton jumping off the page
is happy, just because she smiles. She was accepted by the magazine, and the nation that bought her. Forget that yesterday her dad passed away, she’s smiling. She’s like the Barbie doll you used to play with: painted smile, plastic skin, who knows about the inside. You, with your childlike naïveté, you believe them when they tell you Barbie is a happy camper. You accept that in hopes of being accepted yourself. If just one person says “I like you, you’re okay,” then life is worth living. When somebody else wants you, it’s like the sun warming you form the inside. Acceptance is what you truly ache for. Love, beauty, passion, success, they are all simply forms of acceptance. And I, slowly and ignorantly am learning this. I am stepping out of my dark room ridden with desire and into the light of first accepting me,

who no longer

wants to be




miserable.

Oh yeah, I am spongebob, and you all know it. (I lost my virginity while watching spongebob on tv (ok, so I wasn't exactly watching tv, but that was on when it happened))
Which cartoon character are you?? Find out @ blackhole

Sorry again about the lack of commenting. it's supposed to be fixed soon, and I'd rather not have to find a new comment service. But, if it's not up soon, I will. *just* for you, my adoring readers. :)

WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Ani is coming to Falcon Ridge!!! Yay!!!! this makes me happy. (colors make me happy too, or so Barney says). But is Dar not coming this year? That would make me sad. But Ani is, and that makes me HAPPY!!! (I was a little html happy today too *g*)

Well, today was supposed to be the first day back to school after break, but I didn't make it in. I had a dr's appt. this morning to check out a suspicious looking mole, and I had to have it removed. (It didn't hurt though b/c they numbed it up with lidocaine first. wheeee) And then I had already missed half the day, and I wasn't about to go in for band and gym. I also have a dentist appt. later today, and then have to get together with friends to work on a big project that's due tomorrow. ooh fun! :)

woooohoooo!!!!! Tickets to falcon ridge finally went on sale!!!!! Falcon ridge is the happiest place on earth. I have never in my life been happier doing anything than being there. I told Doug that it's better than the best sex i've ever had, and I wasn't lying. Just thinking about it makes me happy!!!! :)

woo, i am a happy girl. :) a cousin of mine goes to UB (which I didn't know) and invited me and a friend up for a weekend and said he would show me around and stuff. :) that sounds like fun. . . . ok, i'm still bored though, gonna have to find something to do. (what's this you say? I have tons of hw to do? nah! why would I do a silly thing like that? *eg*)

I'm bored, so you know what that means . . . QUIZZES!!!! Here's the first one: (sorry, no pic to go with it): color equals sexuality and here is my result if you wanna take a look. :) Very true for me! Ok, this is it for now . . . be prepared for more. muahahahahaha

Sorry about the commenting service being down lately. it should be up soon . . . it had to be moved to another server I guess . . . nothing very exciting happening lately . . . i've been enjoying my break, even though it's almost over. :(

grr, being evil, problems, sorry.

Ahh, I can't wait to go to college . . . a friend and I went to the city tonight. We saw and independent film documentary at the little called the little called

Saturday, April 13, 2002

Ok, college is evil!!!!! I went to UB today to see the campus and stuff and I really really liked it. I made all my deposits and had my pic taken for my id card. But when I got home today, the other college I was waiting to hear from, that I didn't think I was going to hear from for a few weeks (and by then it would be too late for housing and stuff) sent me my acceptance letter, and a notice of my 24,000 scholarship. (for four years, so 6 a year). but, after looking at some facts and stuff, I still think I want to go to buffalo . . . this just complicated the whole damn issue. grrrrrrr

Another quiz! stolen from doug's blog Here it is!

Very cute, very pink, and very feminine. That's you.

Find your inner rubber ducky.

WOOOHOOO!!!!! Guess what???? I'm going to college!!!!! UB just sent me this financial aid thingy . . . they are giving me money! I love money!!! And they are giving me lots of it. Nichole is a happy girl. Oh yeah, and it's really warm out. And you know what else? I'M GOING TO COLLEGE!!!!

Woo! The commenting service is back up. Nichole is a happy girl. la la laaa . . . sitting in study hall right now, very bored. day before vacation, and it is soooooo warm out! I think I'm going to a belly dancing class with two friends tonight. that should be interesting. I also want to go golfing (putt putt) later with a friend of mine. Hmmm, did I post the link to a really cool poem (very hippie-ish) by Ani D? If I didn't, here it is anyway, ta ta for now! :)

grr. my commenting service is down, and it might be down for a while. If it lasts too long, I'll just get a new one. OK. my day. More news from the asshole. This morning a friend told me that he was asking about me yesterday, and then proceeded to say that he was glad I'm ok (which I'm not sure I am) and that he loves me. What a wad of shit. What does that mean? he loves me? no he doesn't. I just wish he would disappear off the face of the earth, and I would never ever have to see, talk to, or hear from him again. :)

OK, I guess I wasn't done, lol. Here are some more quizzes:

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Which Evil Criminal are You?

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Which "Natural Wonder" are you?

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What kind of drunk are you?

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Which tarot card are you?

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OK . . . I guess that's it! For now . . . muahahahaha

I'm bored which means it's QUIZ TIME!!!

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Take the Which Celestial Being Are You? Quiz

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What were you in a past life

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What Mythological creature would you be?

OK . . . I am a bruised, dirty, and VERY HAPPY girl!!! Bruised b/c I was a good girl and donated blood at the red cross drive at school today . . . dirty b/c I didn't shower this morning b/c I was tired, and Happy you ask? Oh yes, I am happy. WHy, you ask? BECAUSE ANI IS A GODDESS! I saw her last night in Buffalo, and it was AMAZING. acoustic shows are so good. I was really happy that she didn't play all songs off of the new cds too. She even played Fuel ( I LOVE that song) and Two Little Girls from Little Plastic Castle, my fave ani cd. ANd she recited this POEM that was really really awesome. I can't even say how good the show was. . . . i am happy. :)

WOOHOO!!! I know how to use html! OK, so not really so much . . . just what's needed. and maybe not even that much. :) nichole is a happy girl. Doug, thanks for the html link It really helped!

hehehe , check this out.

male/female orgasm

Ok, this is scary. This is EXACTLY me:

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Your first name of Nichole has given you a sociable, kind, and thoughtful nature. Your sensitivity and sympathy to the needs of people causes difficulty when you need to be individual and maintain control over your feelings. You can be easily hurt and emotionally upset and, because you become so closely involved with people, you can be unduly influenced by them, sometimes against your better judgment. You are inclined to put things off until forced to take action. You accomplish more working with people who encourage and inspire you, and particularly those who can give you confidence by laying out a step-by-step pattern for you. You do not take life too seriously, because you tend to live for the day. It is not typical of you to plan ahead, to think of the consequences of your actions, and to set meaningful objectives in your life. You are more likely to drift into experiences, benefitting from social contact and the attractiveness of your personality. You have felt insecure in learning and adapting to new things, and have struggled with lack of concentration and persistence to make a success of your efforts.

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try it yourself (at bottom of page)

3. How do you think you would taste if you were a food?

Strange. Like nothing else on earth.
Buttery.
Sweet.
Salty.
Cheesy.

is it just me or could this question also say "how would you describe yourself in bed?" (I'm an innocent, and you all know it)

SHopping makes me happy! Feeling depressed lately, so I went shopping last night and today. I got a new skirt, two shirts, and a pair of pants. I also got the new Nields cd . . . quite good so far. OOh, I got new bumper stickers, and I know you want to see that they say!

1.) I'm a freak. Touch me.

2.)when i grow up i wanna be like me

3.)It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

4.)I look weird but I'd kick your ass on jeopardy

5.)Fairy in Training

6.) Don't hold strong opinions about things you don't understand

ok . . . that's it for now . . . now comment! :)

WOOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!! Good news! I got my acceptance letter today from UB. Now, I don't particularly want to go there, but I REALY don't want to go to Fredonia, and now I don't have to! Yay! Oh yeah, and Ani is in 4 days!!! Woohoo!!!! Oh happy day, oh happy day . . .

la la laaaa study hall again. Still working on the essay. :( Burned the new Indigo Girls cd, Become You last night. Very good . . . ok, I'll go work on the stupid essay now

Study hall is boring . . . COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAYS SUCK!!!! that's it for now. :)

What? He thinks he can just talk to me now, and everything will be ok? That I'm not upset? He wants to know how I'm doing? Does he really? Of course not. He doesn't want to know that I cry myself to sleep at night and I can't eat during the day when I think about him. So I tell him I'm ok. He's ok. THen he assures me I'm not replaced. What does it matter? He doesn't want me anyway. I was having a perfectly wonderful day w/o him (well, more like perfectly numb day). Why does this have to happen? Why does it have to hurt so much? Why can't he still love me? Oh wait . . . he does! argh. I'm never loving anybody again. It's not worth this pain.

OK, so today in lunch katie tells me that Josh has a new woman. Now, I know he hasn;t slept with anybody, but how am I supposed to respond to this? "Good for him?" "Gee, that doesn't bother me, I'm happy he's moving on." or even better "I'm glad he's happy without me." Now, of course part of me wants him to be happy. But most of me wants him to suffer. Is that so wrong? Make him feel as badly as I do?

Now, last night I had this weird dream about RYan, two boyfriends ago. I've been thinking about him, and decided that I want to hang out with him again. I don't see him anymore, but he's a nice guy, and we used to have a lot of fun together. So, I have this dream, where we're sitting on this couch together, and we're being very friendly, but not involved. Then we lay down together, and I have my arm around him. He turns to me and says "SO, are we just friends, or do you want things to be the way they used to be?" and I think for a second and say "I don't know . . ." and then I wake up. . . .

Ok, so here I am again . . . I'm bored, so I'm just going to write whatever comes to mind . . .Doug is evil . . . mind games . . . not very nice. (Ok, so maybe I fueled you on, but you like it) la la la . . . umm. ok. Josh. I guess he's as good a place to start as any, especially since I haven't written about him anywhere. What do you do when you find your source of comfort is now your source of pain? I never expected us to be together forever, and I knew it would hurt when we broke up, but I had no idea it would feel like this. For every time I was so happy, and bursting forth with joy, I feel it the exact opposite now. It makes me wonder if it was worth it . . . sometimes I think, no, it wasn't. I am reminded of the poem by Dorothy Parker, Incurable:And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned;
The calmer, I, to see it true
That ways of love are never new-
The love that sets you daft and dazed
Is every love that ever blazed;
The happier, I, to fathom this:
A kiss is every other kiss.
The reckless vow, the lovely name,
When Helen walked, were spoke the same;
The weighted breast, the grinding woe,
When Phaon fled, were ever so.
Oh, it is sure as it is sad
That any lad is every lad,
And what's a girl, to dare implore
Her dear be hers forevermore?
Though he be tried and he be bold,
And swearing death should he be cold,
He'll run the path the others went....
But you, my sweet, are different.

I know that I'll fall in love again, and that I'll get burned every time. BUt you never think about those things while you're in love. You are too happy. And what happened to my life? Somehow everything became about josh and us. I spent all my time with him, never with my friends. Now that we're apart, I've found that I have nothing of my own in my life except time now. I am finding old friends again. Why does that happen? And am I supposed to fall out of love now? Does time just take it away? Or does it stay buried somewhere within me, with nowhere to go? I know I've been single before, but what was it like? It is so easy to just fall back into another relationship, but I don't want to do that. ANd I don't think I even could right now. I gave so much of myself to him, and now it's gone. When I think about him, I get this feeling of emptiness in my stomach. Like there's nothing there. I can't eat then, that's why I lost weight. All those strong feelings I felt when we were together, that's all gone. I feel so empty . . . what do I do now? I just want to got to bed and hide under the sheets away from everybody and everything and pretend this never happened. . . . if only I could . . .

Okay, thanks to a good friend, I figured everything out. Or rather, he figured it out and then explained it to me. But now I don't feel like re-typing everything I did before, so suffice it to say parents are annoying and I'm GOING TO SEE ANI IN A WEEK!!!!!!

Ack! Problems already?