OK, so things look a little funny right now. sorry about that. I'm editing some stuff. I don't have time to finish right now, but hopefully it'll be done soon!

AHHHHHHH why did I try and switch templates? never never never do that again unless you're fluent in html! problems problems problems!

Got a new template from a blog skins site (can find the link at the here

Could life get any worse? grr, I am so miserable right now. I was having a perfectly fine day until 4th period (gym). We were playing speedball. Now, if you don't know what this is, i'll educate you. It's soccer combined with handball. If the ball is on the ground, you kick it, and try and make a goal. If it's in the air you throw it and try and make a basket or throw it into the goal. The only way to get it into the air is to kick it there. NOw, maybe that doesn't sound so bad to you. Well, let me tell you what happened to me last year. Playing speedball. I turn around, and the ball is behind me. The girl kicks the ball, right at my FACE. (complete accident) Anyway, she was really close to me, and it hit me right in the eye. It literally knocked me over. Then I had to go to the eye dr's and get special drops b/c my eye swelled too big for its socket! Ok, so that would be enough to traumatize someone, right? But no, the very next gym class, I'm scared out of my mind, playing this damn sport, and what happens? I get hit in the fucking head!So since then, I refuse to play speedball. The gym teacher convinces me to play today. So, I'm out on the floor doing my best to stay away from the ball, and I'm dying. Seriously, I had like a mini-panic attack. My heart was gonna jump out of my chest! So I told my teacher I was NOT playing any more, and she let me change. Of course, I have to make the class up, and I will (probably). Just no more speedball for nichole. And on top of that, as if that wasn't enough to make me miserable, there is something really wrong with my car. Yesterday it was fine, and now there is something big time wrong. It would take too long to explain, and i'm being lazy, but let's just say it's not good. :( :( :( :( i need someone to love me. :(

Samantha from Sex and the City is my hero: "What is it with the weekends now? I swear to God every guy I've fucked since Memorial Day wants to know what I'm doing this weekend. They just don't get it. My weekends are for meeting new guys so I don't have to keep fucking the old ones." ANd now I'm bored, so I'm gonna quote some S&C quotables. :) don't you love me?

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"As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'" Carrie

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"Who cares what you are - just enjoy it!" Samantha

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"Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power." -- Samantha

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Samantha Jones: I'm a "trisexual." I'll try anything once.

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K, that's all. time for tv now. :)

AGAIN I am apologizing for the lack of commenting . . . it'd annoying me too. It's supposed to be up soon, and the place that I'm using is really easy, and I would prefer to not have to find another commenting service, as I've already stated . . . sorry!

The evil of the world is not money or technology, i've decided. it's contruction!! all those stupid people trying to make things better in the long run make it impossible for me to get in and out of my own driveway! and then I have to rely on the kindness of strangers driving to let me in or out. grrr. (although so far people have been quite nice about that.)

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Don't know if you wanna read this or not, a friend of mine did and liked it, so I'll let you read it too. It's a short story type thingy I wrote for my english class. (it's a ROUGH draft, keep in mind)

Desire

“Desires are bound by the laws of success and failure. Desires must bring misery.”
Swami Vivekananda

I.
A flash of leg, touch of hand, a glance at something beautiful. This is what you want, what you need. How do you know this? You know this because they told you, and I am telling you too. They told you what is beautiful. “Beauty is a skeleton covered in shiny plastic,” they said. And you believed. You want this skeleton. Alone in the dark, I want it too. You and I, we are the same, really. You are beautiful, and I want to be surrounded in beauty. I am ugly; you like that: it illuminates your glowing plastic flesh. I was beautiful once, when beauty was on the inside. I was loved then. But now beauty is ugly. And I, once so beautiful am ugly . . .

and alone . . .

and . . .

miserable.


II.
Beauty is power, and ugliness is weakness. Success it power, but power is also success. They told you about beauty, then they told you about power. The defined it for you. You believe them again, I know you believe them. “That image of a man rolling around in money, that’s power,” they said. But they didn’t tell you about his bleeding wounds. Paper cuts. Money hurts. The big suit, fancy car, million-dollar house, million-dollar family. This is success. They call it a nuclear family, the way to be. Is that like nuclear bombs? Equally as powerful, equally as destructive. But times change, you know. I bet you remember what it was like to be young, what they said success was then. It was not the almighty dollar, it was the almighty name. A, A, A, all the labels started with A. “Buy our product, you’ll get an A, you’ll be number one.” This musician, that actress, if everybody knows my name then I’ll be happy. They lied. People will forget you and remember your name. You’ll be all alone, whimpering, wondering how you can have everything and be so miserable.



III.
They tell you everything, but this you know: acceptance. You think a skeleton jumping off the page
is happy, just because she smiles. She was accepted by the magazine, and the nation that bought her. Forget that yesterday her dad passed away, she’s smiling. She’s like the Barbie doll you used to play with: painted smile, plastic skin, who knows about the inside. You, with your childlike naïveté, you believe them when they tell you Barbie is a happy camper. You accept that in hopes of being accepted yourself. If just one person says “I like you, you’re okay,” then life is worth living. When somebody else wants you, it’s like the sun warming you form the inside. Acceptance is what you truly ache for. Love, beauty, passion, success, they are all simply forms of acceptance. And I, slowly and ignorantly am learning this. I am stepping out of my dark room ridden with desire and into the light of first accepting me,

who no longer

wants to be




miserable.

Oh yeah, I am spongebob, and you all know it. (I lost my virginity while watching spongebob on tv (ok, so I wasn't exactly watching tv, but that was on when it happened))
Which cartoon character are you?? Find out @ blackhole

Sorry again about the lack of commenting. it's supposed to be fixed soon, and I'd rather not have to find a new comment service. But, if it's not up soon, I will. *just* for you, my adoring readers. :)

WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Ani is coming to Falcon Ridge!!! Yay!!!! this makes me happy. (colors make me happy too, or so Barney says). But is Dar not coming this year? That would make me sad. But Ani is, and that makes me HAPPY!!! (I was a little html happy today too *g*)

Well, today was supposed to be the first day back to school after break, but I didn't make it in. I had a dr's appt. this morning to check out a suspicious looking mole, and I had to have it removed. (It didn't hurt though b/c they numbed it up with lidocaine first. wheeee) And then I had already missed half the day, and I wasn't about to go in for band and gym. I also have a dentist appt. later today, and then have to get together with friends to work on a big project that's due tomorrow. ooh fun! :)