Am I the world's biggest loser? I think I am. Here I am, sitting at home, posting on my BLOG on a friday night. I'm single now, I'm not ready for a new relationship, but I'm certainly ready to have some fun now! But no, here I am, a big loser. :( and the double date for tomorrow? not looking so great. A friend of mine is going out with this guy, but he thinks it's too much of short notice for him to be able to find someone for me. :( and then we thought of someone who could go, a friend's older brother, and it seemed perfect. We have a lot in common, and I know him. he's a nice fellow. But no! he's perfectly willing to come, but he's going to a party tomorrow. And you know what? the more I thought about it, the more fun it would be to go out with him. I feel like such a dork. nobody wants me anymore, except gross people at school. *sob* am I that undesireable??

My mommy is out of town for the weekend, and I might be going on a double date tomorrow with a friend! yippee!

WEE!

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Went to the doctor's yesterday. If you know me really well, you're next question should be which one, lol. This one was the diabetes dr. (that's pronounced die-uh-bee-tees, not die-uh-bee-tus, thankyouverymuch.) THings not going to well, specifically because of my doing. But now I'm on a new plan. (i'm taking lantus now, although that probably means nothing to you). Good news though, since February I've lost 15 pounds, YAY. OK, I think that's it for now . . . btw, I'm charlie brown. (don't feel like posting the link, sorry)

Ok, so am I doomed to be haunted by him forever? Ex-boyfriend means not anymore. It means I shouldn't have to deal with him or think about him. Well, that's fine and dandy, except when I have these stupid back together dreams. I hate them! I'm always so happy in them when we're together, and then I wake up and feel horribly depressed. I wish they would stop. I don't need that. . . . On a happier note, the weather has been sooooo gorgeous lately! It's finally feeling like summer! So after that horribly wonderful josh dream, I had a yummylicious Falcon Ridge dream! Yay! I dreamt it was the day before FR and we had just arrived, and were setting up the tents and stuff, it was great. ANd there were lots of friendly people making music. it was happy happy. :) So I think in that summer spirit I'm gonna go lay out in the sun because I CAN! wee!

Got lots of new undies today! I went shopping, and got 5 bras and 10 pairs of undies. yay. and I even splurged! (with my gramma's money, lol) I got two sexy bras (see through lacey ones, not like the usual kind I get). I got one pair of sexy undies, but damn, that stuff is expensive!! oh well, I'm all decked out now! (of course, I don't happen to be wearing any of that now, but whatever)

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What is it with men and cars? My step-father is anal about me checking the various fluids in my car. Is it really that important that I check the oil every two weeks? Oh well. I'll do it. (maybe)

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I got a new book today too. A Clockwork Orange not too sure what it's about, but I'm sure it will be right up my alley. It's Josh's fave book, so I'll have a good time reading it. that's all ttfn!

ugh, I know I said this before, but being sick is really no fun at all. I'm not barfing anymore (let's thank god (or whoever's out there) for the simple things). Now I simply feel completely drained of any and all energy. I spent most of the day reading in bed. I finished the Ya-Ya Sisterhood book. It was not as good as I remembered it being, but I'm guessing that's because of my extreme literary knowledge that I have now. (haha, ok, maybe not. I've just read some real books, instead of all that Danielle Steel crap (which I completely good to read if you want to think about nothing) that I used to read.) Anyway, the book was still good, made me think lots about how much I luvvvv my mommy. aww. :)

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Let me tell you, guys are so dumb. I'm sorry. Maybe not all of them, but the ones that I've been in contact with lately . . . sheesh. Enough to make a girl go lesbian, except I don't think I could put up with the girls either! That's it, self-love only from now on. :)

try this! it takes a little while to load, but it's pretty accurate. These were my results. (They're long, so if you don't read them, I'll understand)

You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

The present situation, not of your making, is forcing you to compromise. You will have to hold back and forgo some of your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.

Resentment and stress, due to your present circumstances and/or your unfulfilled emotional needs, have produced considerable anxieties. You would like to get away from it all to somewhere that could be the personification of sympathy and understanding. That 'somewhere' could be close by: relax and let go - take a deep breath and look around - the situation may not be as bad as it seems.

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Being sick really sucks a lot. I was sooo sick yesterday. I had some 24-hour flu. ugh, it was horrible. Feeling much better today though. :) Ok, that's it for now. :)

OK, so boys are dumb, and I've decided that I just don't care anymore. You know, I don't need them, I will keep myself entertained. I don't care that every single one of my friends now has a boyfriend. I do not need one. (rather, don't want one at this point in time) These past two days it has been SOOOOO nice outside. Yesterday I babysat, and took Sophie (my charge, lol, who is about 5 1/2 months old) for a nice walk in her stroller. I was beautiful. And today was even nicer, Syd (a friend) and I went putt-putting (she beat me :( ) And then it was just so beautiful that I threw my bathing suit top on, and went outside in my shorts to soak up some sun. it was soooo relaxing.

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Exboyfriends ruin everything. I'm never dating again. no contact with the opposite sex, that's it. I can't go anywhere without seeing him, or hearing about him. he's better friends with my friends than I am. GAH!!!!! I HATE HIM!

BOYS!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEE! ok, that's all for now. you'll get an update if there's anything to update. (hehehe, I'm sweet and innocent, right? . . . why are you giving me that look? you know I'm innocent . . . muahahaha)

Do you have any idea how hard it is to force yourself to school when the only class you have is band? Alas, I did not make it to school AGAIN. ALthough, I will have to start attending on these days, otherwise my band grade will suffer. My mom and i had a nice chat last night, and we were talking till like 1:00. I have to work on this stupid PIG (aka Participation in Government) project that's due next week. :( I keep putting it off, and it's a big yucky paper. I'll probably end up doing it all on memorial day or something. poop on procrastination! I did go out to breakfast/lunch (but not brunch) with my parents today. That was nice. And you know those veggie burgers that burger king now supports, those are QUITE tasty, let me tell you. mmmm

Ahh, last night I saw the movie Eyes Wide Shut, on HBO (one of them, anyway, we have 10 or something like that). My GOD, was that a strange film! I have seen some weird movies in my time, but this one takes the cake. Now, I really liked it, but it was not the graphic porn that some people made it out to be. Still, I finished watching with my mouth open and eyes in a very confused state . . . it certainly wasn't any worse than that mexican movie I saw a few weeks ago, y tu mama tambien . . .

ok, so now something is weird with the formatting . . . do the problems never cease? sheesh! I didn't even touch the template, except to fix the comments. oh well, just something more for me to work on. :)

WHEEEE! I finally fixed the comment link! It's all fixed! So comment away!!! :) I know you want to! go ahead . . . :)

Ok, this is from a couple of days ago, and I tried to post it, and It wouldn;t work. So, if it's already on here (twice) then once again, I am sorry. :)

OK, so I have come up with a new philosophy. (BTW- it has been two months since josh broke up with me, and I am graduating in 6 weeks. Oh yeah, and I made my schedule for next year and I'm taking intro to philosophy and latin! woo! more on that to come.) So, my new philosophy: If I don't think about sex, hear about it, talk about it, hear others talking about it, or see it on tv or at the movies, then I will make it until college. If not, I will die. Now, several people have said this is impossible, but I am unfortunately finding it more possible than someone to actually do it with. So I must never think of sex again! (hahaha)

A WHITE Dragon Lies Beneath!

I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a White Dragon on the inside. If there ever was an apparition of balance, power and reclusive intelligence, my Inner Dragon is it. Whites are a fairly common dragon and are considered one of two harmonious dragons. My antithesis is the evil Black Dragon.



My Inner Dragon likes to think things out, plot against enemies, and look down upon the world from the highest mountain peaks. My favorable attributes are the Day, the Sun, truth, a positive attitude, and helpful magic. Humans only need fear me when they stray into my domain without proper tribute. Of course, that tribute would probably be a cake the size of a Volkswagen, but hey, if they wanted to move through my turf they should have brought it, right? If someone ever really wanted a fight I'd be an impressive opponent, considering I pack a breath weapon combination of Fire and Lightning. Even the nicest dragons can do some serious damage.

success!!!! I have finished the color of the links. Now, I know it may be a little hard to read under the archived section, but I think it's the best I'm going to get, considering I have light, dark, and medium backgrounds that the text goes onto. :) Next step? Get the date and "welcome to" sections a new color. :) and I am *so* crossing my fingers that the commenting will be back up soon!

ok, all the colors are done now, but the links need to be fixed. I know they're hard to read in some places right now, but just deal. k? :)

Hmm, I am in some serious need. The feeling of being single for two months is really starting to hit. grr. college is only 3 months away, can I really go 5 months? probably, it's bound to happen some time in my life, right? grrr.

WEEEE!!!!! I had a very . . . interesting time tonight. :) ANd I will enlighten you all. :) Me, Lisa, Katie, Chrissy, and Syd all had a girls' night out tonight, and it was very fun. First we went to Primitive Impressions (local piercing place) because katie wants to get her clit pierced. We talked to Jason the extremely cool owner/peircer there, and got all enlightened about the genital piercings. It sounded kinda cool . . . I'll hafta look into it. SO then we went to Java Joe's, coffee place, and played pool for an hour. THEN we saw this really really awesome movie called Y tu mama tambien at the little . It was extremely hot and sexy which of course, I loved. So then everything is fine, and we're driving home, and with 4 other people in the car, and it being midnight, I wasn;t exactly paying a whole hell of a lot of attention. I was in the middle of running a red light (no other cars in SIGHT) and katie screams at the top of her lungs STOP . So I slam on my breaks, and manage to stop practically in the middle of the intersection. And then the light turns green, and I start going, but my car won't accelerate. (now, I was having problems with the fuel pump before which made me not accelerate, but that was fixed) ANd I'm thinking, what the hell is going on? So I get to the next light, maybe 1/2 a mile down, and I go to step on my brake, and OH! It's already all the way down! So I'm like what the hell now? SO I pull over on a side road, and try and figure out what's wrong. Basically, I have no clue, so I called my parents who happen to my 3 hours out of town for the weekend. They didn't know what was wrong, and told me to call my uncle, who works with cars and lives near where I was. SO I call him, and end up going over there. Now, being the dumbass that I am, what happened was that the cover to my fuse box which is right in that area below my steering wheel came partially detached, and was hanging down. When I slammed on my brakes, they got stuck behind the fuse box cover. So my uncle fixed it and I took all my friends home, and that was the end of my oh-so-fun-and-exciting night! yay